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  • Writer's pictureKay Gravesande

Dealing With Toxic People

I'm not sure why being toxic is actually more of an accomplishment in our current society than a flaw... but it is. Think I'm joking? Pull up any social media platform right now and search #toxicking or #toxicqueen - you'll be amazed at the stupidity you see. Unfortunately, being toxic and pushing toxicity on others is becoming something cool. Let me be the first to bluntly tell you toxic people are not going to help you achieve your goals in life. If you are a toxic person, you need to consider revisiting those habits and upgrading them, immediately.

Before we dive too deep, lets clarify what toxic means. A toxic person is someone who is abusive (mentally or physically) and unsupportive. In general, they are emotionally unhealthy and find joy in your downfall. When you come across someone like this, you will notice your attitude is brought down by being around them. The mood will shift by their presence and you may start to feel physically ill. Your body will naturally create a defense against their aura, even if your mind allow their relationship to continue.Whether it is platonic or romantic, we cannot tolerate toxic people long term without suffering ill mental and physical affects.

It's important to note you can be a good person with toxic traits. We all have flaws, and some happen to be worse than others. Common toxic traits include:

1. Being Manipulative - do you always find a way to get what you want? This isn't cute or creative... it's manipulative and toxic for those around you.

2. Judgmental Judy - when you meet others, is your first reaction to pick them apart based on your personal judgement of their appearance, background, education, social class, disability, marital status or other factors?

3. Inconsistent - when people can't count on you for... well, anything, this is a toxic trait. You don't need to show up as a kid, but the older you get the more reliable you need to be, at least to those you care about.

4. Narcissistic - here's the thing, you are not more important than everyone else. Equality is a thing and it matters.If you constantly need admiration and can't handle criticism, you may be a bit narcissistic and should seek to correct this behavior. this is a real disorder, so don't be afraid to contact professional help.

5. Unable to Apologize or Accept Fault - how annoying is it to be around the guy who is never wrong or the lady who won't say sorry. I've struggled with this one for years, and it feels much better when you start to realize it's okay to be wrong. Imperfectly perfect is better than sitting on a pedestal.

6. Passive Aggression - don't be the coworker who won't say it to my face, but will write it an email. For some people, this kind of behavior will get you punched in the face. Instead of delivering your insult hidden in a half compliment, try being genuine or just keeping your comments to yourself.

7. Blaming and/or Shaming - It's not okay to make other people feel bad, period. If you find yourself pointing the finger at others every week, this is a problem. Instead, try looking inward at yourself and finding the root cause of the issue. Likewise, shaming is unacceptable. Let people be who they are, even if it disagrees with your values or principles.

If you find yourself trapped in a platonic work relationship with a toxic person, make sure you protect your energy when interacting with them. Don't be naive to their habits and accept them for who they are at this time. Be open to their development, but keep in mind working together should be limited and professional, focused on completing the task and moving forward.

Don't stress if you noticed some of these toxic traits sound familiar. You can work on them right now. Remember we are all evolving, becoming better versions of ourselves with each passing day.

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